Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Chronic Pain Pet Peeves

In no particular order - things that suck as a person with chronic pain.


Buying dog food


You may have heard me whine about this before.  I hate buying dog food.  We go through one of the giant bags every month.  The thing is, I am physically capable of lifting the bag onto the cart, wheeling it to the register and then out the door, and manhandling it into my car.  But I'm not capable of doing it without increasing the pain I'll have to deal with later that day.  Still, I'm not willing to ask someone to do it for me and deal with the awkward, judgemental looks.  So I just do it.  I was actually contemplating wearing my neck brace, which I don't actually need right now, just to get people to help me get the dog food into the car.  Shameful, no?  Except now we buy it on Amazon which allows me to skip the entire process and it's so worth it.


Grocery stores without baggers


I have to be at a low enough pain level to even attempt grocery shopping because it requires a decent amount of concentration to plan the meals for the week and make a list of ingredients.  Then I have to drive to the store, wheel a typically disagreeable grocery cart through the isles while trying not to forget anything, and then I have to stand there while the cashier scans everything.  If there's no bagger, we have an awkward standoff.  By this point I really can't handle bagging the groceries.  I still have to load them in my car, drive home, carry them to the kitchen, and put them away.  Bagging the groceries usually falls into the "not going to happen" category and I have to stand there pretending to look for coupons or something while the cashier bags them for me.  I haven't switched to having my groceries delivered yet but I'm seriously considering it.


Doctor's offices without decent writing surfaces


I hate filling out paperwork at doctor appointments.  The receptionist hands over a clipboard and then I have to somehow hold that thing and write on the papers and there is no way to do it without causing massive pain.  Even worse, most of the specialists require so much paperwork that I'm bent in this horrible position for 15 minutes.  By the time I get to see the doctor, my pain is 3 levels higher than when I walked in the door.  And the very worst offenders are the offices that specialize in treating chronic pain!


Chairs that don't sit up straight


I can't hold my head up for more than a few seconds without pain.  When I sit straight up, it pretty much holds itself up, and so I can do this for a couple of hours on a good day, but when I sit in one of those chairs that leans back and most people lean back and then just effortlessly lean their heads forward to have a conversation - yeah, I can't do that.  So I have to choose between leaning back, head and all, and staring at the sky, or sitting up straight in a chair that isn't meant for it.  This obviously isn't the chair's fault, but it bears the blame nevertheless.


Telling every medical person ever when my last period was


Ok, this obviously doesn't happen to everyone.  But it's irritating as hell.  I fully understand that x-rays and medications and many procedures are not safe during pregnancy.  I also, as a person with a functioning brain, know whether there is a possibility that I am pregnant or not on any given day.  I am perfectly fine with them asking how sure I am or why that is.  I do not like having to put down the date of my period so that they can do some quick math and then confirm that I am not, in fact, an idiot.  I really do not like having to take a pregnancy test before a procedure to prove that I'm not pregnant.  And I REALLY don't like being told that I am pregnant as a joke by a nurse who thought that would somehow be humorous.  Think about it - whether I was upset or excited by that news - it's not going to end well.


So there you have it.  I have a feeling this will be the first in an ongoing series.

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